Gargoyles: The Architectural Trend Taking Millennials By Storm

Many in the baby boomer generation may be quick to tell you that Millenials are ruining everything from cafes, to the workplace, to the once noble Sport of hunting. Whether you agree or not, there is at least one positive cultural change this upstart generation can be credited for: the resurgence of the Gargoyle. Briefly forgotten after their dominance of the rooftops in the past, these unusual yet charming statues are now here to stay.

The origin of the trend goes beyond the obvious: It’s well known that the Gothic aesthetic has been popular in the world of interior design since the 1997 release of the Academy Award-winning film, The House of Ravens. The film’s release served as the inspiration for a fresh wave of spires and stained glass windows in new constructions all across the country. Young buyers were quick to fill their homes with mirrors, black oak, and velvet. The noble Gargoyle may seem like an automatic inclusion on this basis alone, but those who have allowed them a place around their homes have also seen significant positive changes in their quality of life. Maxxwelle Hayes, famed avant-garde designer and Seeaddle resident, says that “with the constantly growing rate of demonic possession and roving poltergeists, gargoyles are as important as they ever were. More than one client has told me personally that their spouses and children haven’t spat bile or screamed obscenities in Aramaic any more than is appropriate since they’ve accepted Gargoyles into their homes.”

If repelling the wild and wicked forces of the Outside (or the New Normal, for some readers!) isn’t reason enough to love the amazing Gargoyle, they also offer a form of symbolic companionship. Some readers may recall the pet Rock craze of the mid-70s, clear evidence of humanity’s willingness to befriend stone. Posting under #goylegang, an anonymous user wrote, “it’s horrible but my cat disappeared not long after I bought our Gargoyle. I was completely heartbroken, but after seeing my Gargoyle on my roof every day I realized how friendly and benevolent he seemed. Plus, I still find exactly the same number of dead birds in my yard, so it’s like my cat isn’t missing at all!”

As with anything that achieves even a small amount of popularity, there will always be detractors and nay-sayers. Investigations have proven time and again that the vicious rumors they spread are indeed false: There is no hard evidence to suggest that Gargoyles actually induce feelings of paranoia, no sign that the statues will whisper to one another at night, and the idea that we slowly move positions when left unattended is completely ridiculous. In fact, many owners say they sleep much better at night knowing that there’s a Gargoyle in their bedroom! The feedback speaks for itself and it should be perfectly clear by now: There is no reason not to invite a Gargoyle in today! Prospective owners have nothing at all to lose and so much comfort, joy, and friendship to gain. Gargoyles are plentiful and inexpensive despite (our?) popularity, as increasingly more sculptors and masons give birth to them around the world. Gargoyles are practically everywhere already! They only want to protect you from the bad things in the world, so please, let us watch you! We only want to watch you!

-Submitted to Arts and Ideas by Hudson G. Lexington

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